What happened on March 16th
by KimmyFish97
Summary: A series of interviews conducted by Miss Rita Skeeter, as she attempts to find out exactly what happened on March 16th 1994. A task which takes her all the way back to the previous September, during Harry Potter's fifth year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. (Rating may go up) Insane Harry.
1. Pink dorms and Green snakes

**[Disclaimer**:** I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of it's characters. I gain no personal profit by writing this, only the joy of knowing that I may have made someone laugh.]**

**_. ._**

**What Happened on March 16th. By Rita Skeeter.**

These are the personal recollections of the events that occurred at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry on March 16th 1996. Due to the wide array of individuals that claimed to have witnessed these events, it should be noted that these accounts may or may not be entirely factual. _(And due to my publisher forcing me to add that.) _I have spent many tiring hours on this case, consisting of countless interviews and many sleepless nights, and now, this reporter can say with almost certainty, that all of the events which occurred on that day, can be traced back to one so called 'Boy-Who-Lived', and his cohorts, by the names of Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, _(Nasty Girl, trapped me in a jar once...)_

_**[This article was written with the help of a quick-quotes-quill, and as such, these findings come, as the saying goes; From the mouths of babes.]**_

**_. ._**

**INTERVIEW 1# Hermione Jean Granger.**

The interview is taking place in a dreary pub called the Hogshead, located in the quaint village of hogsmead, I am currently awaiting the arrival of my first witness. She arrived right on time and precedes to take the seat across from me, her eyes shining with secrets just waiting to be told.

I sit back in my chair, "So Hermione, may I call you that?"

The girl glares at me, looking far more menacing than any fifteen year old girl should be able to. "I would prefer if you didn't _Miss_ Skeeter." she says.

"Alright then." I say. "Tell me _Miss_ Granger, in your own words, what Happened on March 16th?"

"To _which_ event are you referring exactly?" She asks, her tone not so different from that of a questioning reporter such as myself.

"I am referring to the _incident _that lead to Madam Umbridge's sacking, and current incarceration in Saint Mungos." I tell her, watching her face with the practiced ease of a renowned reporter, for any sign of nervousness.

To say the least, I was most surprised when she burst into a fit of giggles.

"Ah, that bit." She says, once her laughter subsided. "If I may be honest, I wasn't really there for _that_ part. I was under the impression that you wanted to talk about what happened with professor Snape."

"The Slytherin head?" I ask.

She nods, "Well, He's not any more though... " she says trailing off, while becoming quite fascinated with the ground.

"He's not _what_ any more?" I prompt.

" The Head of Slytherin I mean, or even a professor really. " She looks back up at me, "He left Hogwarts you see."

"Left? in the middle of term?" I ask. She nods, "And where is he now?"

"Last I heard he was in Argentina."

"Argentina?"

"That's right, I believe he is trying to find the Ducky Lord."

_[Even now, this reporter has no clue how she said that with a strait face.]_

"... And why exactly would a man like Professor Snape be looking for a 'Ducky lord' in Argentina?" I ask.

She shrugs. "It's a long story, and truth be told, it would make much more since if I started in the beginning."

"And when exactly would that be?"

"September 7th." She Says.

"But that would of been months before!" I exclaim.

"That's right, second week of School" She replies, then upon seeing my doubtful look adds: "Don't worry though, it ties in with what happened to Professor Umbridge."

"Alright." I say in reluctance, I sit back in my chair and motion for her to go on with her story.

"Right." She says, taking a deep breath she begins her tale (Little did I know that I was about to hear the beginning of what may be the strangest story this reporter had ever Heard.)

**_. .  
_**

**September 7th. As told by Hermione Jean Granger.**

So, as I told you, it all started on September 7th.. I had started out as just a typical day at Hogwarts, Harry, Ron and I had all finished our classes, and were spending our free time before dinner in the library studying. Or, at least _I_ was...

"I don't see why I should even bother with this." Grumbled Ron , shoving the copy of _'Potions for the average wizard_' that he had been reading away from himself, acting as if it had done something to offend him.

"Honestly Ron!" I said, catching the book before it could fall onto the ground. "If you want to pass your OWLS then you need to study for all your classes, including Potions."

"Come on Hermione, you know Snape is only going to fail me anyway, so again; why should I even bother?" He asked, leaning back in his chair folding his arms behind his head.

"Because its important?" I said, swatting him with the book and depositing it in his lap. Which he preceded to open and place over his eyes.

"It's a pointless cause and you know it." He said, placing his arms back behind his head. "Right Harry?"

Upon not getting a reply Ron repeated himself, voice muffled by the book. "Right Harry?"

"Hmm?"

I looked over at him, he was fully engrossed in a old leather bound book, I couldn't make out the title but it definitely wasn't one of our school books.

"I was asking if you agreed that studying potions is a pointless cause." Said Ron, still leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah sure." Harry said, not looking up from his book.

"See?" said Ron. "That's two against one, I win"

"You hardly 'won' anything Ronald, Harry's not even paying attention to us."

"What?" Ron said, sitting up in his chair, the copy of 'Potions for the average wizard' falling into his lap.

"Told you." I said, as we both observed our friend.

"What's he reading?" Ron asked.

"How should I know?" I said, crossing my arms.

"You're Hermione." He said, as if that was a acceptable answer.

"Why don't you just ask him?" I said.

"Why me?"

I grinned, "Because 'You're Ron'." He glared at me.

"Well now that we've got that sorted." He said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at him. "Alright." He said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. "Hey Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you reading?"

"Book." He said, without even looking at us. I exchanged a worried look with Ron.

"We can see that." I said "But Ron was asking what the book is _called_"

Harry finally looked up at us, then turned the book over to examine it and said; "I-I actually don't know..."

Ron's look of worry suddenly became one of panic. He tried to mouth something at me, but I couldn't understand him very well.

"What?" I asked.

"Diary." He said. I could almost feel the blood rushing from my face.

**_. ._**

_**[RS: Wait!**_

_**HG: What?**_

_**RS: Why would the two of you be so panicked over Potter reading a diary?**_

_**HG: It's a long story.**_

_**RS: How long?**_

_**HG: 1993.**_

_**RS: What about a short summery?**_

_**HG: There was this diary that held a part of the heir of Slytherin's soul, and caused a few students (including myself) to be petrified, Harry and Ron destroyed it and saved us.**_

_**RS: Alright, continue.]**_

**_. ._**

Alright. Where was I? Oh yeah.

_"Diary." He said. I could almost feel the blood rushing from my face. _

"You don't think...?" I asked.

Ron shrugged, "Maybe."

I looked back over at Harry, who had gone back to reading. "Should we do something?" Ron asked. Not taking my eyes off of Harry I shook my head.

"No, It could just be a good book."

"I guess..."

And that was really the start of everything, about half an hour later the three of us headed to dinner, Harry leaving us to drop his things off at Gryffindor tower, Ron and I promising to save him a seat.

But time went by and Harry never showed. To make matters worse, Professor Umbridge walked over just as the two of us were about to go looking for him.

"Hem-hem."

"Professor!" I said, trying to act as if nothing was going on.

"I noticed that Mr. Potter decided not to come to dinner today. Would the two of you perhaps be able to tell me why that is?"

"We-Uh..." Ron said, looking helplessly at me.

"What he means is, Harry decided to stay in our dorms- Studying! He checked out a book from the library, you can ask Madam Pince."

She looked the two of us over. "Well then." She said, clasping her hands in front of her stomach. "I hope he continues to spend his time studying, instead of spreading vicious rumors. Goodnight children." It took most of my strength to keep from punching that vile woman in the face, and from the straining look on Ron's own face, I could tell he wasn't fairing much better. "Come on Ron, Let's go find Harry." I said, practically pulling him out of the great hall.

When the two of us finally reached the Gryffindor common room we were surprised to find most of it entirely pink, in all different shades, from the light baby pink carpet to the dark, almost purple couches. The only things that weren't pink were the the people standing in front of the now hot pink fireplace.

"Wha-?" I looked over at Ron, whose mouth hug open. "It- Wa- it's- Pink..." At the sound of Ron's voice the three people at the fireplace turned around.

Ron stuttered "F-Fred? George?"

I moved to get a closer look at the three, to find that Ron was right, standing there were Fred, George and- "Harry?"

"Oh, hey guys!" He said.

"What's going on?" Ron asked.

"What did you two do!?" I demanded, looking at Fred and George.

"Don't look at us!" Said Fred.

"Yeah!" Said George, "This was all Harry's doing!" He (George) turned to look at his twin, "Right Gred?"

"Certainly Forge!"

I turned to look at Harry, "Did you really do this?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yep."

"Why?" I asked.

"Why not?" He replied.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because people don't just decide to make everything in their common room _PINK_!" I said, throwing my hands in the air in a exaggerated manner for effect.

"Calm down Hermione." Ron said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure Harry is just pulling a prank." Turning to look at our friend he added; "Right Harry?"

Harry Just gave Ron a strange look then went to go sit on one of the chairs in front of the fire. Ran and I went to sit by him, Fred and George disappearing in to the boys dormitory.

Once I had calmed down slightly, I turned to look at Harry, "So honestly, why did you do this?"

"I just felt like Hermione, I mean most of the school thinks I'm ether a lair or nutters anyway, so I thought 'Why not prove them right?' On the being nutters part I mean, not the lying bit."

"And the first thing you decided to do was make the common room pink?" Ron asked, giving me a sidelong glance.

"Yep." Harry replied, staring into the fire, which at that point I noticed was also pink.

"Harry." I said, trying to seem as calm as possible when on the inside I was maddeningly worried for my friends current mental health, "When exactly did you decided to... Go insane?"

"Today actually, in the library."

I turned to look at Ron. "Mate, this wouldn't have anything to do with that book you were reading, would it?" He asked.

"Actually yeah!"

"And, what was the book about exactly?" I asked. "You never really gave us an answer."

"Oh, it was a biography of sorts, by Professor Robert Swallow." The minute Harry said it, I began racking my brain, trying to figure out where I had heard that name before. I thought that it may have been in one of my classes, but that didn't make since, if it had been in a class surely I would have been paying attention, and there for, would have been able to remember it , unless- I was pulled out of my thoughts when Harry said; "Well it's getting late, I should be going, I still need to turn the Slytherin's dorm green!" And with that he got up and started towards the portrait door.

"Wait!" Said Ron, calling after Harry."Isn't their dorm _already_ green?"

Harry gave him an exasperated look, "It's _emerald _green, I'm going to make it _lime _green." Then he disappeared out the door, the fat lady's portrait slamming behind him, leaving Ron and me alone.

"Well," said Ron. "This should be interesting."

"Are you joking?" I asked, "We can't let him do this, it's absolutely insane!"

"Hermione, maybe that's why he _should_ do this ."

I crossed my arms, "Now I'm thinking _you're_ insane."

He rolled his eyes, "Here me out, last year was pretty tough on Harry, scratch that, life has been pretty tough on Harry. And, well... I think that he deserves a break. So, if he want's to be insane for a while, maybe we should just, you know, let him... What do you say Hermione?" He gave me a pleading look.

"What about school?" I said, "How is Harry suppose to get anything done if he's pretending to be insane all the time?"

"Hermione, do you really think that _anyone_ is going to get stuff done with that toad of a woman hanging around?"

I sighed. "I suppose not, but we still have our OWLS, what are we going to do about that? He can't just not study!"

"Then we'll make sure he doesn't fail, not all learning is done in a classroom, right?"

"...Fine, I still think this is completely mad."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

Now, I'm not sure how, but Ron swears that the pillow I threw at him bruised his shoulder.

._.

_**[RS: So that's the beginning of it all?**_

_**HG: Pretty much.**_

_**RS: Okay, tell me what Happened next.**_

_**HG: Oh, I'd love to, but I have to go, I have class.**_

_**RS: Wait!**_

_**HG: Yes?**_

_**RS: Who knows what happened next? **_

_**HG: ...Ron.**]_

._.

**[A/N I am aware that Ron is a tad OOC, I apologize, and if you can't tell by now, four things.**

**1) This is un-beta-ed.**

**2) This is AU.**

**3) This is a crack-ish story.**

**4) This is my first fan-fiction.**

**That is all... Oh, if I do continue this, it won't be for at least two weeks] **


	2. Ducky Lords and Potions Class

**Disclaimer, I don't own Harry Potter, if I did I would probably live in a much larger house and have at least one horse.**

**A/N 02-22-16, the mistakes pointed out by** _**DivergentFanCat **_**Have been fixed. Thank you so much for telling me!**

* * *

**INTERVIEW 2# Ronald Bilius Weasley**

* * *

So, there I was, sitting in that pub, waiting for my next witness, I was soon greeted my the second youngest of the Weasley family.

"Hello, Mr. Weasley." I say, hoping to avoid the reaction I received from miss Granger.

"Morning." He said, taking the seat that Miss. Granger had vacated not fifteen minutes before.

"It's two in the afternoon." I tell him. Peering at him over the top of my glasses.

"Yes, but I'm sure it's morning somewhere." He says. Taking a sip of butter beer, though I'm not sure when exactly he acquired it...

"I'm sure it is Mr. Weasley. Now, if you don't mind, could you tell me what happened the day after Mr. Potter colored the Gryffindor common room pink?"

"Wait, you want to talk about back then? I Thought you wanted to ask me about the Goblins in the great hall."

"Yes I want to talk about back then- wait, did you just say Goblins were in the great hall?" I ask.

"Yeah, they came for the SPEW debate."

"And that is...?"

"I don't remember what it stands for, but if you want to know more then you should ask Hermione. She invented it."

I place my head in my hands, what on earth had been going on at this school? "Alright." I say "Please, just tell me what happened after Potter made everything pink."

"Sure- wait, which time?"

"Which t- you mean he did it twice?"

"No, of course not." Said the boy, as if I was mad for even asking. "He did it _four_ times, though the thir-" "Enough!" I Yell, earning odd looks form those surrounding us, in a much quieter voice added: "Just tell me what happened after the _first_ time he made everything pink. _Please_."

"Okay."

* * *

**September 8th. As told by Ronald Bilius Weasley.**

So, Nothing much really happened that night, Hermione and me-

* * *

**[RS: I.**

**RW: What?**

**RS: You said 'Hermione and **_**me**_**' When you should have said 'Hermione and **_**I**_**'**

**RW: But **_**You **_**weren't there!**

**RS: *Sighs* Don't they teach grammar at Hogwarts!**

**RW: ...Not really.**

**RS: Gah! Just continue...]**

* * *

Alright.. so, as I was saying; Hermione and _I _waited a few hours for Harry to come back to the dorms but after most of the common rooms occupants had gone to bed, Hermione and I decided to get some sleep as well. I bid her goodnight and headed to my dorm room.

I was almost at the door, when I heard several loud voices talking;

**"**Do you think it was one or the snakes?" Said a voice, that I assumed belonged to Seamus Finnigan. One of the boys in my year.

**"**Are you joking? How could they get into our dorm?" -That one was Dean Thomas.

"Maybe it was someone from Gryffindor?" And the last one- Nevile Longbottom.

"Oh come on Neville! Why would a Gryffindor do this?"

"No, he may have a point Dean, remember second year?"

"You mean when someone came and trashed all of Harry's stuff?"

"Exactly!"

It was at this point that I decided to enter. I was not surprised to find that the room was also different shades of pink.

"Ron!" Exclaimed Dean and Neville. Seamus just glancing at me, nether of us had been on good terms since he had called my best friend a lair. No, I don't want to elaborate. And yes, it had something to do with the last task of the Tri-Wizard-Tournament.

"Hey guys." I said, plopping down on my bed. It was silent for a moment, at least until Dean turned to me and said;

"Did you see-?"

"Yes." I said, leaning back on my pillow.

"Okay..." He said slowly, clearly agitated with me for cutting him off. "Do you know-"

"Yes." I said again, laughing internally.

All three of them stared at me. I stayed quiet, '_This could be fun...' _I thought with a grin.

"Well Who was it?" Neville asked. I didn't answer. "Come on Ron! You gotta give us something!" He pleaded.

Finally, giving them pity I said; "Alright, tell you what, if you can guess who it was, I'll tell you."

And with that, all three of them began trying to guess who the culprit was, a few of their guesses made since, like my brothers; Fred and George, or the Slytherins, or even the house elf's. And some... Well, some made absolutely zero since, like: professor McGonagall, Hagrid, Luna Lovegood, Snape, and even Umbridge- Well actually, that one _did_ make since.

They kept guessing for an a while after that, only stopping when the door opened, and in came Harry, covered from head to toe in pink. I looked at my other room mates, watching as one by one, the realization hit them.

Dean looked at me, "It was _Harry_?!" He asked, his eyes wide.

"What was me?" Harry asked, sitting down on his own bed.

"You turned the common room pink!" Seamus all but yelled, apparently forgetting the fact that he was ignoring Harry.

I watched my friend, wondering just how far he was planning on taking his insanity scheme. After all, it wasn't like a bloke could just lose it over night. No, he would probably start by just making an odd comment here or there, you know, nothing too drastic... I was wrong.

"Ooooh! Do you like it!" Harry asked, beaming at Dean and Seamus. "I thought it was much prettier than before. Though, now that I look at it, I think Purple would have been better, and maybe some daises..."

They stared at him, jaws dropped. Dean sputtered, trying to find something to say. "Wha-! Ho-! Why!"

Seamus, on the other hand just turned to me. "Care to explain?" He asked, gesturing to Harry. Who, at that point, was on his bed curled up like Crookshanks.

"Oh, that..." I looked at the others, and keeping my face as straight as possible said; "Harry has decided to be insane. Goodnight!"

And with that the I closed my bed curtains and went to sleep, trying not to imagine the looks on their faces. It was only ten minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to change in to something more comfortable. Oh well.

* * *

The next morning started out relatively normal, Harry and I got dressed in some clean clothes- (Harry also washed all of the pink of his face and hair, but some of it was still left on his fingernails, sort of like girls nail-polish) -and headed to breakfast with Hermione. It wasn't till we had all sat down that I realized something was off.

Most everyone one in our house was starring at us, or more specifically; Harry.

"Well, I guess word must of spread of your prank last night." I told him, scooping some eggs onto my plate.

Hermione sighed, "Harry, please tell me that your done with this nonsense, and that last night was only brought on by a lack of sleep and poor judgement!"

Harry looked up from his food to grin. "Oh I'd love to Hermione, but I think its a bit late for that."

"Oh Harry, What did you do?" She asked, He nodded his head over to the Slytherin table, I shared a glance with Hermione and the two of us turned to look at the other house. After a few minutes of blinking and pinching my self, I burst out laughing.

To this day I have no clue how he did it, but somehow, _all_ of the snakes had ether bright red hair, or shiny Gold.

"I thought you were just going to make their common room green, why this?" Hermione asked, trying and failing to sound disapproving as she looked back towards Harry.

"I was!" He said in earnest. "But then I realized how silly it would be, I mean; who in there right mind would want a lime green common room! So then, since I was already over there, I realized that if I couldn't give them a awesome colored common room, I could give them awesome colored hair!" He finished, then went back to eating his food.

It seemed like Hermione was about to ask him something like; 'But how on earth did you even get in there?' When someone beside her asked;

"Wait, you did that?"

I looked over to the speaker; Neville. I blinked, when did he sit down? In fact, since the Harry, Hermione and I had began eating, it seemed that every Gryffindor in our year had joined us. (Even Seamus) And, from the looks on their faces, _all_ of them had heard Hermione's question.

I looked back over at Neville, who was now chatting with Harry. Well, Harry chatted, Neville only listened, torn between ether amusement or uncertainty, I couldn't really tell, nor could I blame him. At one point I'm pretty sure that I heard Harry tell him the he though there were monkeys following him. It seemed I wasn't the only one listing to them though, as I looked over to see that the people around us had all stopped eating and (like Nevile) look torn between amusement and uncertainty. Except Hermione, she just looked annoyed.

Soon, breakfast was over, and the fifth year Gryffindors headed to their first class; Potions.

"Please don't do anything _too_ extreme." Hermione whispered to Harry, as the three of us took our seats. "Snape is probably already in a fowl mood because of the hair thing, and you really don't want to spend an entire detention acting insane do you?"

Harry just smiled innocently at her. A few minutes later Snape walked in. As usual, he glared at the Gryffindore side of the room barely glancing at the red and gold Slytherins and stood at his desk.

"Before we began" He said, starring darkly at us, "I would like to ask, that if _any_ of you have even the _slightest _clue as to who-" unsurprisingly enough, he glared straight at Harry. "-may have done _this_-" He gestured towards the Slytherins. "-I, as well as the rest of the Hogwarts staff, would ask that you come forwards now." Again, he glared at Harry. "The reason being, that if you do not, and we find out later on, you punishment will be most, _severe_." Once more he glared at Harry. And honestly, I don't think he could of been more obvious about who he thought was responsible if he had a giant flashing sign above his head saying 'I blame Harry Potter'.

I shut my eyes, waiting for one of the other Gryffindors to call out that it was Harry. A few moments passed and no one spoke. Then out of the corner of my eye, someone raised their hand. 'Please don't let it be who I think it is...' I thought.

Then Snape did something that shouldn't even be possible, he grinned. "Yes, Mr. Finnigan. Do you know something?"

I braced myself, Harry was going to be in sooo much trouble. And then-

"I was just going to ask how it would even be possible for someone who _wasn't_ in Slytherin to do this?"

Snape just stared at him. I finally turned to look at him, he just kind of smiled.

"Yeah!" Said Lavender Brown, "How could someone from a different house even get in?"

Snape narrowed his eyes at her, "Alright then, if that's how you want it to be." He said looking around at the rest of the class, he turned on his heel and stalked back to his desk. "Know this: I. Will. Find. out."

The rest of the class passed relatively uneventful, Hermione and I worked on our potion, while behind us Harry worked with Neville. Everything was quite, and I was beginning to think that maybe Harry _had_ been joking. At least until-

"Potter! What are you doing?" Snapped Snape.

I turned around to look at Harry, or where he should have been, instead, all I saw was an empty seat and Neville looking rather sheepish. While Harry himself was walking around, looking under desks like he was searching for something.

"I will ask you again Potter, What. Are. You. Doing?"

Harry looked over to him from his spot under one of the Slytherins desks.

"Well?" Asked Snape.

"Well what?" Harry asked him. I groaned, this was not going to end well.

Snape face was slowly turning red. "_Well_, What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for evidence." Harry told him, then went back to whatever it was he had been doing.

"Evidence of _what_!" Growled Snape.

Harry crawled out from under the desk and walked straight over to our obviously irritated teacher. Lean close to him, looked around suspiciously, and in one of those odd stage whispers said;

"Evidence that the ducky lord was here sir!"

'Thunk'

I jumped a bit in my seat, glancing at next to me I saw that Hermione had her head down on the desk and was muttering, I didn't hear all of it, but I did catch some of it, mostly things like- 'Idiotic insane friend' and 'I can't believe he's actually doing this' as well as "Why couldn't I have been in Ravenclaw...'

I looked back over at Snape, who was still glaring murderously at my best friend. "Potter, what the blazes are you talking about!"

"The ducky lord!" Harry exclaimed, looking very annoyed.

"I don't know what your playing at Potter, but will not stand for it, do you understand me?"

"Playing? I'm not playing!" Harry said, stomping his foot in a way that reminded me of when my sister Ginny was little.

All around the room stifled laughter could be heard, but as per-usual in potions, it was silenced by a glare.

In an clear effort _not_ to punch Harry, Snape gripped his hands behind his back.

"Potter, there is no such thing as a '_Ducky Lord_' and if there was, I_ highly_ doubt it would have been in my classroom." I have to say I was slightly impressed at the amount of restraint he show in _not _raising his voice. Then he added; "However, there is currently a class going on, so if you will RETURN TO YOUR SEAT! We can continue!"

Harry trudged back over to his chair and slumped down onto it grumbling.

"Have something to say Potter?" Snape asked snidely.

"The Ducky lord curses non-believers." Harry said, starring him directly in the eyes.

"I think that I'll be safe." Snape told him, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Harry shrugged, "You never know Sir, the Ducky Lord works in mysterious ways..."

Snape went back to his desk, "Now, would anyone care to tell me what we were discussing before Mr. Potter felt the need to be he center of attention?"

Malfoy raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy? Do you remember?"

"Uh- No," Snape raised one of his eyebrows. "I mean, its noon Sir."

Snape glanced at the clock on the wall, "Ugh, alright, we will continue our discussion on 'The effects and practical use of the insanity potion.' Class dismissed."

I gave a sigh or relief, somehow, he hadn't managed to take away any-

"Oh, and Potter?"

Harry, Hermione and I turned to look at him.

"10 points from Gryffindor for disrupting class."

"But Sir! All I did was look for evidence of the Ducky Lord!"

"There is no Ducky Lord!"

"You say that now, but don't come crying to me when he eats your hair and steals your shoes!"

"I assure you, the 'Ducky Lord' Is not going to eat my hair! Now stop with this foolishness and go to your next class!" He waited for us to leave, then slammed the door behind us.

The three of us headed to our next class in relative silence, most of the other students avoided us, thankfully, I really didn't want Harry to do anything too crazy just then. After all, Hermione was still teed off at him.

"Honestly Harry! Would it have killed you just to agree with him?"

"But Hermione! If I had agreed with him we'd both have been wrong!"

"You're wrong any ways!" She snapped. "We both know that you made all of that up!"

"Fine, I know that, and you know that, but Snape? He's as clueless as a Muggle in transfiguration. Especially if that Muggle is Dudley..."

I started laughing so hard that I had to stand sill a moment to catch my breath. Which apparently, was a bad move on my part as Hermione took that moment to hit me with her History of magic text book.

"Ow!" I yelped, "What was that for?"

"For encouraging him!"

The two of us had a short starring contests, which she won... But only because I got a piece of dust in my eye. I grumbled out a short "Fine." then turned to tell Harry that what he did in class was dumb, only to find that he had already walked off towards our next class.

"Great." Said Hermione. "Come on Ron, Lets catch up." She grabbed my arm and the two of us rushed after our friend.

This was going to be a long year, especially if every class is going to be like that one, but at least we only had History of Magic next, what trouble could he cause there?

Famous last words...


	3. The Super-Snakes

**This chapter is dedicated to my best friend; Muppet. May your life be filled with Styrofoam and chocolate.**

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**Chapter 3. The Super-Snakes.**

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The next interview was a slightly odd one, as after Mr. Weasly took a hasty leave in order to make it to one of his classes, I had absolutely no idea who to speak with in order to find out the rest of that day's events.

I then, using my amazing reporter skills, left the dank pub and traveled out into Hogsmeade village in search of the answers that I sought. Luckily, this reporter is outstanding at her job, and found the answers to my questions with one of the Slytherin students in Potters year; an intelligent boy named Blaise Zabini.

I assumed at first that a boy from such a fine and noble family as the Zabinis would have been more than willing to speak freely with me about the events that had transpired following the incident in Potter's potion class… I was sorely mistaken.

At first, the boy had no problems with speaking to me about the events that had occurred, but sadly, upon realizing who I was, the boy refused to continue our conversation until I was able to uses my fantastic negotiating skills on him, and convinced him to see reason.

* * *

**INTERVEIW 3# Blaise (Middle name redacted) Zabini**

* * *

_The following interview took place in Honeydukes sweet shop, Hogsmeade Village._

"Mr. Zabini, would you please, in your own words, tell the readers what happened on March 8th after potions class? During History?" I asked him. The boy raised his eyebrows at me in confusion, the poor dear, I could only imagine that kind of traumas he's had to face at this mad house called a school.

"What? I thought you wanted to hear about all of the crazy stunts that Ha-Potter has been pulling lately. Not some boring class that happened months ago, I don't even have history with him."

"No? Well, I guess I'll have to go find someone else to give these Pumpkin Pasties too…"

"Now hang on there, miss Skeeter, I just said I wasn't there for history with Ha-Potter, I was there for what happened later, in fact, I don't think there's anyone else in the whole school who could tell you more accurately than I."

And so, this reporter once more, found herself braced for yet another account of the insanity that is one Harry James Potter.

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**September 8****th****, part two. As told by Blaise (Middle name redacted) Zabini.**

* * *

As I told you before, I wasn't in the class with Potter, but I was there for the fallout, so bear with me.

You see, after Potions had finished and all of the Griffindors had left for their next classes, Professor Snape requested that all of us Slytherins head to the infirmary and have madam Pomphrey attempt to undo whatever curse had been placed on us to change our hair color…

* * *

"You know," I said, as my housemates and I sat in the infirmary, waiting to have our hair changed back to normal. "I can't figure out how he did it."

"How who did what?" Asked Pansy Parkinson, one of the girls in my year.

"Potter." I told her.

She rolled her eyes at me, "And what exactly do you think Potter did Zabini?"

Next to me my roommate Theodore let out an undignified snort, "Isn't it obvious?" He reached over and tugged on a strand of her currently Gryffindor-red hair.

I grinned, "You're a weirdo Pansy, but I doubt even you'd purposely make your hair look like that." She glared at me and jerked her head away from Theodore, whose hand was still holding her hair, accidentally pulling out a few of the vibrant red strands. "You two are as delusional as Potter if you think he's capable of pulling one over on the entire house!" And with that, she crossed her arms and stomped over to where Madam Pomphrey stood attempting to turn Millicent's golden hair back to brown.

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**[RS: Speaking of Gryffindors, what does **_**this**_** have to do with Potter exactly?!**

**BZ: Not much, but it's important for what happens when we actually see Potter.**

**RS: Oh fine… Get on with it then…]**

* * *

Anyway….

Shaking my head, I bent over and pressed my palms to my eye to stop myself from laughing out loud. it was so easy to mess with her.

"So, you think Potter is responsible?" A voice said from somewhere in front of me, blinking, I looked up to see that my other roommate, Draco Malfoy, was standing in front of me. Now, normally, Malfoy was a pretty funny looking bloke to begin with, but at that point in time, with his bright red hair that clashed violently with the dark green of his robes, he was the most ridicules thing I'd seen. I had to hold my breath in order to stop myself from laughing in his face.

From beside me Theodore responded for me, "Don't you? Also, wasn't your hair gold earlier?" Glancing back up at Malfoy I realized he was right, I could have sworn that he had gold hair that morning just like Theodore and myself.

"Yeah Malfoy, what happened? I thought you would have been the first to get that hairdo fixed, why would you change the color?"

"You think I want my hair like this Zabini?! I was the first one in here if you recall, but every time Madam Pomphrey tried to undo this blessed curse, it just changed colors again!"

"Alright, fair enough." I said, "Still… Red is _definitely_ not your color."

He glared at me.

"Can it Zabini."

"Really? I thought you wanted to talk about Potter?"

Theodore snorted beside me again. "Doesn't he always?"

I had to agree, it seems like almost everything out of Malfoy's mouth those days was either 'Potter this' or 'Potter that'. Or 'Who does Potter think he is!?' and 'You won't believe what Potter had the nerve to do this morning.' Then there's my personal favorite; 'When my father hears about what Potters' done!'. Really, it was extremely annoying, not to mention exhausting, and considering the way Potter had been acting that morning, I could only imagine how much worse it was going to get…

Speaking of-

"So do _you_ think he did it Malfoy?" I asked, interrupting the glaring match that he had gotten into with the still laughing Theodore.

"Of course I don't." He said, "Potter's not nearly bright enough for something like this. It was probably those weasel twins!"

"So you think the _Weasley_ twins are smart." Theodore said at the same time as I asked; "Then why are you here?"

Looking back and forth between the two of us, as if trying to decide who to answer, he finally leaned over towards me and said: "Because, even if I don't believe that Potter is capable of pranking all of Slytherin, I can't deny that there _is_ something going on with him, and I want to figure out what. And since the two of you seem to have your own interests piqued, I thought I'd see if you'd like to help me to… investigate."

"So…" I said, sharing a look with Theodore. "You want _us_, to help _you_, do _what _exactly? Spy on Potter?"

"Well, yes." Malfoy said, straightening back up, like he was trying to make himself look taller or something.

I looked back over at Theodore, who shrugged. "Why not." He said looking back over to Malfoy. "S'not like I've got anything better to do." He paused before patting the top of his hair, then added; "Asides from get my hair back to normal that is."

Malfoy grinned. "Excellent."

* * *

All in all, once Madam Pomphrey finally got around to us, it only took her a few minutes to turn both Theodore's and my hair back to normal. She did try once more to fix Malfoy's, but it only ended up turning into a sort of orange color that made him look like the long lost member of the Weasley family.

"This is so unfair." He grumbled as we walked towards the great hall for lunch and Potter stalking, "Why am I the only one that got stuck like this!"

"Because you're the only member of Slytherin that Potter has a personal vendetta against?" I suggested.

"Also, you're not the only one." Said Theodore, who had been walking behind us. "Crabbe and Goyle still had gold hair when they left the infirmary."

"That's because they liked it." Malfoy seethed.

"Is that why you're not having them help you spy on Potter?" I asked. "Because they like having dyed hair? You know, you're really not one to talk Malfoy."

"Of course that's not why you dolt." He said with an exasperated sigh, accompanied by an exaggerated eye roll. "Have you ever tried to sneak up on someone with those two at your side? It's like trying to sneak up on a hippogriff while riding on the back of a bigger, clumsier, stupider hippogriff!"

"I think you just don't work well with other people." I told him.

"I work well with others," Malfoy grumbled. "As long as they do exactly as they're told…"

"You know what Malfoy? I think I'm starting to understand why you don't have any friends." Theodore said, ducking away from the hand that Malfoy shot out to smack him with.

"Shut up Nott!" Malfoy shouted.

It was around this point in time that the three of us realized that we had reached the great hall. It was also around this point that we realized that Malfoy had just shouted loud enough for headmaster Dumbledore to hear. We came to these realizations because of two things; One, we were literally in the great hall. And two, everyone was staring at us. Everyone. Students, teachers, everyone. Thankfully, it was still relatively early and there weren't as many people in the hall as there normally were. Just a handful of staff members, the majority of the third, fourth, and fifth years, as well as a few older students.

Quickly, the three of us shuffled over to the Slytherin table and sat down. By this point it seemed that most of the other Slytherins had already visited Madam Pomphrey, though there were a few that still had the occasional red or gold streak in their hair. There were also few others that still had the full color like Crabbe and Goyle, but I was pretty sure that unlike Crabbe and Goyle, those students just hadn't gotten around to visiting Pomphrey yet.

"Why are we over here?" Theodore asked, as began piling toast onto his plate. "I thought the whole point of coming here was to spy on Potter."

Malfoy growled. Seriously. Growled. Like some sort of animal.

"Well we can't just go over to the Gryffindor table now, can we?"

I shrugged, glancing over to the Gryffindor table, where Potter was sitting. "I guess… it just seems kind of pointless to just watch him from here though."

Malfoy growled again.

And so, we spent the next fifteen minutes eating lunch and watching Potter. Which was actually far more entertaining than was to be expected. At first, he just sat there eating like a normal person, then in-between spoonfuls of peas, he began silently flicking the little green things at one of the other Gryffindors, I think her name was Lavender something… Well, as one could imagine, she didn't like that very much. With each pea that hit her she would wildly look around for the culprit. Occasionally her gaze seemed to land on Potter, but by that point he would already be shoveling a fork full of mash into his mouth, pretending not to have done anything. From to look on her face though, I could tell she didn't buy it. Not long after that, it seemed Potter must have felt he'd been efficiently annoying, because he got up and skipped out of the great hall.

"There he goes!" Malfoy hissed.

The two of us hastily stood up made to follow him.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked Theodore who was still quite literally shoving food into his mouth.

"Ral' re hmm' huf moph'mem!" He said. Which I believe meant something like 'I'll be there in a moment.' Or something.

Not even allowing me to respond, Malfoy grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the hall. "Come on Zabini! We can't lose him!"

He was looking around wildly as the two of us ran down the corroder.

"How is running around going to help us sp-Hmph!" Somehow, both Malfoy and I had ended up on the ground. It seemed that the two of us had tripped over something large that was lying on the ground.

"Gmmph!"

Correction, someone.

With my self-helping Malfoy, Malfoy helping who ever we had tripped over, the three of us all managed to get back on our feet. It was then that Malfoy and I found out selves face to face with none other than Harry Potter.

"Potter!" Malfoy shouted.

"Hullo!" He said, smiling at the two of us like we were old mates.

"What in the hell were you doing on the floor?" I asked, rubbing the spot on my arm where Malfoy had been grabbing when we fell.

"Monkeys!" Potter said cheerfully.

Malfoy and I looked at one another in confusion.

"What?" I asked.

"Monkeys." Potter repeated. "I was looking for them."

I looked back at Malfoy, he looked just as confused as I was. And there was also something else there, scared? Worried? Hell if I knew. Composing himself, he cleared his voice and asked; "Why?"

Potter rolled his eyes. "Because they're after me! So, I figured I'd find them first!"

"Uh-huh." I said.

"Of all the stu-" What was most likely going to be a long and drawn out rant on Malfoy's part was interrupted when Theodore ran up to us panting.

"Glad I found you! Weasley and Granger saw you follow Potter and are on their way here!"

"What?!" Potter yelped. "I told them I was going after the Monkeys!"

Looking over at Potter, who Theodore had just seemed to realize was there, he gave me a look of confusion and mouthed the word '_Monkeys?_'

I shrugged. "Potter thinks they're after him."

"I don't think, I _know_."

There was a long pause where Malfoy, Theodore, Potter, and myself just stared at each other for several minutes, then suddenly, Potter grabbed Draco by the arm much like Draco had done to me, and ran off saying something about how us 'Super Snakes' would help him find the monkeys… I really should have just stayed in bed that day. Honestly, it would have saved me so much grief these last few months... Speaking of sleep, it was only later that night as I was getting ready for bed, that I realized I still had no proof that Potter was responsible for coloring all of the Slytherins hair. Thankfully (or perhaps dreadfully.) Potter had stayed with Draco, Theodore, and myself the rest of the day dragging us around looking for the monkeys, and so, as I had gotten into bed that night, I had to not only deal with Theodore's steam engine-like snoring, on the bed to my left, but also Potter's even louder snores coming from the floor on my right. But at least I'd be able to ask him in the morning.

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**[Author's note. I just re-found this old story of mine while talking to my friend awhile back and decided that a little bit of crack writing would be good to relieve some of the stress that college has been giving me. I will tell you this, I do not know when or if the next chapter will be added. I do have a ton of ideas and I more than welcome any that ya'll might have. But as you can tell by the delay in chapters, I suck at updating. I go by my schedule, not yours. That all being said, I hope that you all enjoyed the chapter! I'll also try to avoid long A/N in the future.]**

**This is still un-beta-ed, I may repost a beta-ed copy later. I'm just impatient.**


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